Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Comics - Annotation, Recaps, and Mockery

Here are some good retorts to so so, and the oh so..., work from the comic industry. Much of it comes from Chris of Chris's Invincible Super-Blog.

First, a look at Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter. The story comes from the works of Laurell K. Hamilton. They are, as I understand, a popular book series. But, as I have also heard, the books has slipped more and more into eroticism.

The comics didn't want to wait, and look to want to get there pronto.

Chris has annotated Issues 3 through 5 so far.

Issue 3 - This issue's opening line, "My skin crawled with the memory of small furry bodies sliding over me," in addition to being a handy reminder that Anita was in dire peril of being murdered by vermin in the last issue, is also highly reminiscent of erotic fan-fiction concerning Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers. Considering that this is a story where the main character eventually has to have sex with the undead to gain super-powers, that might actually be a step up.

Issue 4 - In Laurell K. Hamilton's biography in the programs to this year's San Diego ComiCon, Anita Blake is referred to as "the first sexy paranormal comic ever," a piece of news to which the creators of Vampirella, Witchblade, and Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose responded: "Really."

Issue 5 - This issue opens up directly after the events of #4, with the story pausing only long enough for Anita to grab a shower, which apparently has the effect of washing every last bit of pigmentation out of her skin. Except, of course, for her scars, which tend to look like oddly-placed grape juice rorschach tests.

For those that don't feel sated of there newly acquired Anita Blake thirst:
Anita Blake vs. Marvel Dracula: WHO YA GOT?!
That's right: After exhausting research that consisted of both flipping through back issues of and pushing the right button on my scanner, I'm prepared to offer up a definitive five-point comparison of their defining characteristics.

Anita Blake vs. The Batman

One last bit from Chris.
Civil War in 30 Seconds

Yes, for those who are without knowledge of, or wise enough to stir clear of Marvel Comic's debacle. Here is a quick way to get a gist of the true meaning of Christmas...I mean what the heck Civil War was all about.


Spoiler Warning: I'm about to save you twenty-five bucks.

...

And that's why Spider-Man's wearing his black costume.
Suffice to say, WHAT?, is the lesson here.

BeaucoupKevin.com has some REMIXES.

Civil War Issues 1-7. Every page, remixed with new speak and thought bubbles, to properly explain the inanity that was Marvel Comic's Civil War.


























Also check out Ultimate Powers # 2's REMIX. It will explain and show, for those that doubt, that these artist are just getting too lazy in drawing women.

Scarlet Witch diving from a plane into battle with the rest of the Ultimates...or Scarlet Witch in mid orgasm?

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I completely agree on the Civil War summarization. Hilarious.

As for the Ultimate Power thing - the artist is GREG LAND, or "LAAAAAAAAND!," as he's known in some circles. The guy is a washed up hack who shamelessly photo-references from magazine layouts and pr0n. In fact, Marvel had to send out a company memo requesting that artists stop tracing.

It was mailed to the whole company, but everyone knew it was written for Land.

He frequently depicts characters with the faces of Hollywood stars, for example, in Ultimate Fantastic Four, he drew Mr. Fantastic as Topher Grace (That 70's Show), and Sue Storm's mother with Rhona Mitra's (Boston Legal) face, without either stars' permission.

Anyway, my point is, not all comic artists are lazy, but you just happened to stumble upon the work of the father of all hacks, Greg Land. I could go on, but I think I've made my point.

LAAAAAAAAND!!!

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