Sunday, December 08, 2013

Trailers in Short: Sword and Sandals Edition - Hercules and Pompeii and Sons and Badassdom, oh my.

Let's head into a coliseum. And let's fight some gladiators, even if it's ancient Greece. Grab your sword and join the Quest of the 4 Trailers!

Swords and sandals! A genre of movies that has been pleasing for decades. And they are still with us. Hercules Lackluster Journeys. Milo Versus the Volcano. Young White Man With A Destiny 7. And, the Zeno's Paradox of potentially awesome comedies.

The major regret to have is that these aren't badly dubbed over Italian movies.

The Legend of Hercules

I see this ad and for a bit at the start I think I'm watching a trailer for Ryse: Son of Rome. At the minimum, it looks like a video game.

But, Hercules. A boring Hercules. I can't help noticing how little speaking time he has, compared to other characters in the trailer. And, it's a prequel of sorts. Hercules gets to learn of his origins. Then he gets his powers...and a lightening whip? And let's not get into the Samson parallels going on.

Still, if you know anything about sword and sandal movies, you know that a lot of them are Hercules B-Movies. Sadly, I'm not even getting a cheesy fun feel from this movie. Those older movies may have often not used the greatest actors in the role, but they found ways to make it all fun. The actors had a charm to them. This seems more serious. And if you want to go deep into the character, you need an actor and script that can do the job. This movie could be painfully bad. Or, a good sleep aid.


So let's see...A put upon gladiator. A young woman constrained. A nasty fiance. Young love. An attempt to escape a looming disaster together...This is Titanic on a volcano, isn't it?!

Hey, you get some Kit Harington, from Game of Thrones, forlornness thrown in.

Trouble is that I have watched too much scientific analysis of what happen when the volcanic release started hitting the city. It was stages of nastiness. Realistically, everyone staying that long is screwed (in many gruesome ways). And don't bring up TARDIS's...Screwed.

Still, it might be ridiculous fun. Racing a volcanic avalanche. Sword fight in burning ruins. Disaster scenes. Mix in the romance, it may be just your popcorn flick.

This might not be of the sandal variety, there are plenty of swords and grime in...

Seventh Son

Jeff Bridges is finding a couple of niches isn't he? Old Fighter. Mentor.

The idea comes from a children's fantasy book series, The Wardstone Chronicles. We get our old time warrior, an apprentice, and an evil force (played by Julianne Moore -- Always a plus.). Plus we get a host of evil minions.

This could be an Eragon. Or a Season of the Witch. A Dragonslayer. Or a Prince of Persia. And depending on how you feel about those movies, that's good or bad. The series is supposed to, at least at the start be about a guy coming of age and finding his

It may all depend on Jeff Bridges saving the day, and the movie experience.

and, finally, and again,

Knights of Badassdom

Yeah, Putting this up again. Why is this stuck in ownership fights? Let's get a release already!

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