Sunday, April 27, 2014

Trailers In Short - Monsters Don't Respect Boundaries Edition

Flipping monsters. Always stomping on your house, eating your friends, being racist caricatures, or arresting you. They are such bores.

You see this, monsters?


That's class in a large and respectful being. You can carefully walk over something without destroying it. Learn something!

But would it be Summer without our monsters? We will never know. So let's look at the terror to come this Summer. Nymph. Transformers 4. Godzilla. Wolfcop.


Vacation. Exotic locale. Creepy island. 20 something walking into something they don't understand. Yeah, we've all seen this movie before. We've also seen the deadly mermaid before.

It's a Serbian based horror, and thankfully like a certain other Serbian film. It doesn't seem like it's a horrible movie. But it seems very much like so many other crossing monsters while on vacation movies. I'd rather watch Dagon or Shark in Venice.

Transformers 4

Another Transformers. Another freaking Transformers. I don't even find them amusing as they are. They are stomachable once a Rifftrax comes out for them.

The movie continues the obligatory flaw each of these movie has, it's not a movie about Transformers. It's about a guy. Sure, LeBouf is out. But changing "the guy" isn't the answer.

The first movie could be seen as a passable, but dumb coming of age movie. It's a lousy Transformer movie. This movie looks like it's the tale of a dad trying to save his family. Why?

As to the Autobots, since the last movie, humanity turned on and "killed" the Autobots. I guess, every movie needs a scene where humanity turns on the Autobots then? At least they are getting this out of the way at the start. And Optimus Prime's once a movie death also gets taken care of right at the start.

But, hey, Dinobots! Huh? ...Will they be more interesting than the other underwhelming robots we've met in the previous movies?

Though I am interested in what looks like an attempt to create Chinese characters for the movie. With Bays love of racist tropes, I wonder how these new characters will come off? Can he resist his instinct to make them cringeworthy. Inconceivable.


Hey, a new Godzilla movie! An American one... But they look to have at least learned some lessons from the 90's.

And is the music from 2001: A Space Odyssey the new trailer cliche?

Godzilla looks decent. Though the images of a damaged New York City made me flashback to the 90's. And Godzilla looks like he's getting around the globe. Oh, and Bryan Cranston! ...Will he make a Godzilla movie better? Is that key to a Godzilla movie?

On the plus side of all of this, a lot of what will happen in this movie are still hidden from us. We know that humanity will not be the main conflict for Godzilla, and that is still to be seen.

I don't know, that 1998 movie really must have affected me. I just need to see more before I can get really excited for this movie. I want to see a good classic Godzilla outing, with that early gravitas and overwhelming power, or I hope we see a genuinely interesting reinvention for the modern world.

There's still a place in this world for Godzilla, let's hope these filmmakers have found it.


Man, I am glad Obscurus Lupa came across this trailer. What kind of a world would it be if we didn't know this was coming out? A sad one.

This movie is ridiculous. Then it looks at you and says, "Oh yeah?", pees on you and doubles down. I mean the main character's name is actually Lou Garou!

And they give him some really gruesome transformations. And in his werewolf form, the look borrows heavily from The Wolf Man.

It's so dumb. And then it doubles down again, and he gets a Wolfmobile.

Come on! We have to see this movie.

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